Confidence in mothering

Where to begin......I write so little it's tough for me to spill my thoughts sometimes. But most recently, I've been realizing something about my confidence, or lack thereof, in mothering.

As a young girl, I always struggled with insecurities and have always had an overwhelming need to please people and win their approval. It wasn't until graduate school, that these tendencies began to dwindle away. The feedback from excellent mentors, from teachers, the good grades earned with hard work, the experiments that went well, published papers, etc. all gave a sense of gratification that seemed to take the place of the nagging insecurities. I love research and teaching, and they gave me a sense of well being I hadn't known before.

Since the twins were born, I have the privilege of being a stay at home mom. And a privilege it is. I am truly grateful. But I must be honest, my insecurities have returned. I need more approval from my husband and mom in particular. I worry daily if I am failing my children, making a nice enough meal, keeping my house as clean as it should be, doing enough crafts, using my mind enough, being a good friend and sister......the list goes on. And for most of these insecurities, the feedback is my self. And lets face it, we are all our worst critic, particularly perfectionists. The days my children don't have a fit, don't cry, eat well, I think to myself, I've done it right today! The days my house seems clean, my husband is satisfied, and my friends able to carry on a conversation with me, I think to myself, my mind is intact, I've had a good day. But in reality, I need to move past these insecurities, and realize the feedback isn't perfection I need, the feedback is contentment. I am truly content in being a mother. My children are loved and know they are loved unconditionally. I can have confidence in my mothering, because I am doing my best.

Steve Wiens on his site "The Actual Pastor" wrote something I could really identify with.
(http://www.stevewiens.com/2013/03/12/to-parents-of-small-children-let-me-be-the-one-who-says-it-out-loud/). How many of you hear "enjoy these year, they pass so quickly," with respect to your little ones. And how many of you think to yourself "Am I doing something wrong, because all I want to do is FAST FORWARD!" I don't know about you, but I would feel guilty for thinking that, and it circles back to those insecurities about mothering. Stop beating yourself! Just start being......all we can do is our best.

Strawberries!

Don't you love the warm weather! I know we all certainly do and with it all the fresh produce, especially strawberries. My husband surprised us one evening and returned from a trip south with a huge crate of gorgeous strawberries! We were eating strawberries with every meal for a week. I made strawberry shortcake and a strawberry pie. So yummy.

Delicious and simply strawberry pie recipe:

3 cup sliced strawberries
3 tbsp flour
3 tbsp sugar
splash of orange juice
tsp of vanilla


Mix the above ingredients in bowl and pour into pie crust.
Bake at 425 for 15 minutes then 350 for 45. To prevent the crust from burning, fold aluminum foil over the edges after about 30 min.

Cooking time may vary, so keep your eye on it and let your nose tell you the rest :)

The Last Time...

 

As you know, I've been on a big kick about slowing down, trying to savor the little moments, and hating how fast time is going. I feel like I've done a pretty good job at remembering firsts by writing them down or taking pictures of them, but I hate to think about all the "lasts" I have missed. I recently read a post somewhere about moments like these, and can't stop thinking about last times. When I was pregnant with Lily (above), I kept trying so hard to remember the incredible feeling of kicks and bumps and hiccups inside me, knowing this really could be the last time to ever feel something so amazing. 

When was the last time my dad gave me a piggy back ride? I think it was in Belgium at the DouDou Festival, but I'm not sure.

When was the last time I nursed Cooper? I made a point to remember with Lily since it only lasted five months with her. 

When was the last time I held my mom's hand?  Cooper grabs mine all the time. I hate to think of when he will outgrow wanting to hold my hand.

When was the last time my mom sang me to sleep and tickled my back?

When was the last time I slept with  my sister and played "I spy" in the dark? 

When was the last time my sisters and I went skinny dipping all together up at the lake? 

When was the last time Frank and I went camping and stayed up late with wine talking about our favorite things in life? 

When was the last time my grandpa gave me a huge bear hug and called me manda panda? 

At least with some of these, they aren't truly lasts. I can do some of these again, a finite number of times.  Hate the ones that are gone forever. 

Shoot. Sure wish I could do my morning over. I wasn't as nice as I should have been. And my mornings are finite.

Doesn't thinking about all this make you really want to make each moment count? Send out a billion love notes and thank you notes to family? Give a zillion more hugs and kisses and hold hands all over the place? Life is short. Make every moment count because they are numbered.

Amazing Places # 7 - Virgin Gorda

Virgin Gorda

With vacations and Spain on my mind, I figured it was time to add another Amazing Place post. Three years ago, when Cooper was just Lily's age, we were lucky enough to go to Virgin Gorda with Frank's parents. Virgin Gorda is simply amazingly beautiful. It is only about 8 miles long, and the entire southern end of the island is covered in large granite boulders, a climbers Paradise. However, it is always about 85-90 degrees on the island, year long. The island is very mountainous and covered in a scrub forest with tropical flowers all over, and lizards, and chickens and wild goats. It was not very busy there at all when we were there, but we came in the off season. The water was so warm I never even had to hesitate to get in which was wonderful. White sandy beaches, coral reefs and loads of life to see while snorkeling.

Our villa Serendipity was incredible. Right on a point with our own private beach and pool. 3 bedrooms, a new granite counter top kitchen, and nice big open windows with an amazing view. I would highly recommend this place.

 One night we took a free taxi ferry to "The Bitter End", which is a resort with a few restaurants on an secluded part of Virgin Gorda you can only get to by boat. I felt like we were off a set from so many movies I have seen in the Caribbean.  There are all kinds of amazing small islands around there owned privately and by various countries. Since we were in the British Islands, we had to drive on the left. I should say Frank had to drive on the left, because he did all the driving on the trip.



Perfect place to go for a honeymoon, family vacation, scuba diving trip, or bouldering trip.

Our dock lined with conch shells - conchs were everywhere, we found dozens just snorkeling by our house - beautiful!

A Peasant Dress for Lily

 

Hello everyone! 

Hope everyone had a nice Memorial Day weekend. My in-laws arrived Saturday and we spent Sunday at the climbing gym and Monday at the indoor swimming pool/spa and ate dinner out. The weather is atrocious, but we're headed for sun in Spain in just a few days! Can't wait. 

Yes, another dress! I can't stop... The picture above is of Lily wearing a peasant dress I made the other night from a tutorial on Pretty Prudent. You can make it long sleeve or 3/4 sleeve. I attempted to make 3/4 sleeves, but apparently Lily has longer arms than I thought and is taller than I thought. The tutorial shows how to sew the dress for a size 2, but I took a few inches off and now I think I should have left the length! I still think it looks precious on her and can't wait to make a few more. I got the fabric on www.fabricworm.com  and LOVE it. This dress has been about the easiest of all the tutorials I have tried so far. 

PS: I found this great Greek Yogurt substitute chart below that I can't wait to try out on some favorite recipes.

Friday I'm in Love

Hello everyone! Aren't you glad we have a three day weekend ahead?! I am. Plus, we have Frank's parents coming TOMORROW! Meaning, I must vacuum, dust, mop, scrub toilets, and clean sheets TONIGHT! I hate to do it too early in the week since our house gets dirty so darn fast.

I had grand plans for the weekend of things to do with them, but the weather has taken a nose dive and it is so so cold and wet. Literally feels like winter is back. Crapola. Not sure what we'll do. Brave the weather and still get outside or find some fun new city to check out with them. Jet lag is such a killer though, we'll take it easy on them tomorrow and the next day. I like to always prepare a real German meal when guests come, as a welcome to Deutschland! Lately, my coworker has been pre ordering me awesome fresh baked bread from a local bakery that uses all organic foods and the loafs are round, warm, and sooooo delicious. They look like the round loaves out of Robin Hood (do you remember that part when Kevin Costner gets a big round loaf)? That image always comes to mind for some reason. I'll have to post a picture.

Below is a picture of Cooper and I shopping at the Farmers Market in Weiden. He just got scolded by the man selling the herbs because he was feeling the tops of all of them. I was telling him it was okay, the man was just worried it would kill his plants and then he proceeded with no less than five "whys"... Love this boy. This morning as I was running out the door to work he gave me a card he made at school with a song he sings to me, to keep me happy at work. So dear.

Here Lily is super excited to be playing in her sand box as Cooper literally cuts Eric's hair! Eric is our new live in super nanny (and long time friend). He's staying with us for the summer, standing in as Lily's babysitter, our climbing third (essential with kids), cook, handyman, and everything else. He takes off today for a euro trip. I still can't believe he let Cooper cut his hair. Speaking of, I got a hair cut last night. I'm still in the shock phase I think... Not sure how I feel about it. Have I gone back to the 80s! I haven't had bangs since I was 10 or 12 I think. And wow, I really do have a lazy eye. One is always so much bigger looking than the other!

So, I'm done rambling, and time to share some fun links for you all to check out:

With Eric being a vegan health nut, I'm really interested in trying out some awesome recipes I keep finding like this one for walnut cookie bars and these smoothies.

 Directions for how to make an awesome bow and arrow for your kids.

Now this is an awesome business and something I wish I could start.

Hope you all have a great long Memorial Day weekend!

A Big Bow Dress

Well, Tuesday Transformation didn't take place because Lily's crud came back full force and she had a fever of 103. While getting her checked out at the local doctor's office, the doctor heard my barking cough and asked to take a look at me too. Something in our lungs. Translations are not always the best, so they just keep it simple, I nod, and take the prescriptions to the pharmacy. Both of us are now on antibiotics and are on the mend.

I did manage to sew again last night though and made a cute dress for Lily. Can't wait to try it on her, but the temps are diving back down to freezing this weekend. Seriously! Not looking forward to it. So, don't know when I'll have the chance to see her model it. 

I used an awesome tutorial from The Cottage Home for the Happy Day Big Bow Dress. It looked easy enough, but alas, I messed up again. That big blue patch on the front is supposed to be a pocket. It is TOO big for this size dress (I should have made it smaller for sure), and I put it up too high. Sigh... I didn't embroider on it, but think I will make this again with simpler fabrics when they come in the mail and get the dress right. I am proud though because I learned how to make button holes with my Ikea sewing machine. Wasted about an hour trying to get the threading right, but at least I know how to do it now! And I learned how to make my own ribbon. Tackling something new each time I sew and it really is so fun!

 

PS. Here is a cute video of the kiddos at the park.

15 months

Can she really be 15 months already! The months are going by much faster with Lily than I remember them passing with Cooper.  As much as I am trying to SLOW down, the world isn't slowing down and I'm finding my precious time with my kids as babies much too short! 

Can I have a bite?

Love how he opens his mouth too when feeding her.

On Mothers Day, I found this picture of me with my mom. Gosh, I feel like I am looking at myself holding Lily. This must have been about 31 years ago... Not sure why, but I just can't stop thinking about time and how quickly we are aging and how fast it all goes. Just a few years ago, a lifetime seemed so long. Now it seems so short. I tend to think it is watching my kids grow up so fast and change overnight that is making me realize the fleetingness of it all. However, those of you without kids, did life speed up for you too in your thirties?

I took Lily on her first bike ride Friday. As I was pumping up the tires, she sat in there and clapped and was already so happy with the trailer without it even moving. So cute. Cooper was an ol pro at riding in the trailer and I could hear him talking to her in the back as I rode up to the park telling her to "hang on, here comes a bump", and holding her hand. Too bad I didn't capture that in photos.

Saturday and Sunday we went climbing outside. Unfortunately, I was a bit of a grumpster all weekend because I got sick with the kids crud. Aches, fever, cough... I tried to enjoy the sunshine and just being outside with the kids however, climbing with the kids still has its challenges. Cooper does great. He likes to climb when we go, but he mostly entertains himself looking for bugs and sticks the whole time. Lily is in that hard stage where she loves to explore, but is so unbalanced walking over sticks and rocks, that she tumbles every other step it seems. She got the worst bump ever on her head this weekend and cheek. But she loves it. She loves to play outside and smiles and giggles all day long. Seriously, she is the happiest little baby. Even with only a 30 min car nap. I don't know how she does it. This girl loves her daddy. She gives him unexpected kisses all the time. Seriously adorable.

Matilda Jane Knock Off Pants

Last week, in my sewing craze, I tried to make a pair of Matilda Jane knock off ruffle pants. I LOVE the clothes on that website. Never been to a  trunk show, but I'd only dress Lily in those clothes if they were affordable. Unfortunately, they are pretty pricey, and I never see stuff that looks like their clothes in the stores around here. So, I attempted to make a pair to look like these below.

This is what I came up with.

Cute huh! I loved the way they turned out, even if a little loud. Understatement. They are pretty wild, but I still think they would look adorable on Lily. So, where are the modeling photos you might be asking? Yup, you guessed it, I made these too small. So frustrating! Lily has chubby thighs and quite a chubby belly. I suppose if I had used a forgiving fabric, it could have worked. A knit... I'm learning.  So Missy, these are coming your way in the mail in hopes that your skinny minny Ella Jane will be able to fit them! UPDATE! Here is Ella modeling the pants I sent ;)

And if you get the inspiration to try to do a knock off, here is a tutorial from Modest Maven I used for making the pants. I tried to make my own pattern based on a pair of pants of Lily's. I suppose I didn't give myself enough seam allowance though. Good luck! Time to order some stretchy fabrics...